just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
