Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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