They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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