Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
