Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
