I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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