thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
