she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
