margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
