This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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