farters have to be the big spoon...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
