He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
