I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize