How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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