Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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