walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
