How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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