If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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