i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
