I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
