One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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