Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Actions speak louder than pants.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
