Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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