Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
