Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
