My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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