Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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