Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
