I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
