Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
