God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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