but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
