Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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