I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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