we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
