I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
