Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
