seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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