You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
