she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
