plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
