The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
