The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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