My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
