New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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