I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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