Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize