i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
