first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
