The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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