pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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