She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
