I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
