HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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