Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
