Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
