Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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