remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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