are you still at the devil's house?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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