She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
