Pappa wants mamma naked
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize