Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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