just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
