I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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