sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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