i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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