Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this just has baby written all over it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
