the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
