I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize