Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
