you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I deserve this hangover.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
