Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
