Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am puke
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
