You just made me feel so damn special
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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