Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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