the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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