Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
